The Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style And Its Impact On Mental Health
Learning about the anxious-preoccupied attachment style can be worthwhile, especially for individuals who struggle with rejection or fear of abandonment. Attachment styles typically highlight how individuals relate to one another, and they’re often shaped by childhood experiences. A person’s attachment style can determine how they act in relationships with peers, friends, and family. This article explores the anxious-preoccupied attachment style, its impact on mental health and adult relationships, and ways to build a more secure attachment style.
A look at the anxious-preoccupied attachment style
The anxious-preoccupied attachment style (typically referred to as “anxious attachment”) is one of the four primary attachment styles. People who crave emotional intimacy and connection but also fear rejection and abandonment can be said to have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. As outlined in John Bowlby’s attachment theory, this attachment style normally stems from relationships with caregivers during childhood. When caregivers are emotionally distant or inconsistent, children may grow to have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style as adults.
Traits of an anxious attachment style
When referring to the anxious-preoccupied attachment style, the term “anxious-preoccupied” can describe the way in which individuals with this attachment style tend to be highly anxious and preoccupied with monitoring their relationships. This may lead individuals to seek constant reassurance, become hyper-fixated on potential signs of rejection, act clingy or controlling, ruminate on negative experiences, or experience jealousy over seemingly small things.
The mental health impact of anxious attachment
The anxious-preoccupied attachment style is one of three insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. During the COVID-19 pandemic, anxious-preoccupied attachment was thought to be a risk factor for poor mental health. People with an anxious attachment style may be at risk for various mental health symptoms, especially when relationships aren’t going perfectly.
Common mental health symptoms related to anxious attachment
Below are several mental health concerns often experienced by those with anxious attachment styles.
- Self-esteem challenges: Due to a fear of rejection, individuals with anxious attachment may experience self-esteem concerns.
- Anxiety: Preoccupation with a partner’s behavior, coupled with constantly looking for signs of abandonment, can lead to increased anxiety.
- Emotional dysregulation: Individuals may struggle to manage intense emotions like jealousy or fear, especially if a partner isn’t answering their calls, for example.
- Depression: Anxiously attached individuals may exhibit more depressive symptoms than securely attached individuals.
- Substance misuse: People with insecure attachment sometimes develop a reliance on substances to cope with anxiety symptoms, self-esteem challenges, and relationship difficulties.
The relationship between fear and anxious attachment
Fear is one of the core features of anxious-preoccupied attachment. It may be the fear of rejection, fear of disconnection, fear of being alone, or fear of negative outcomes, among other potential fears. It can be common for those with an anxious attachment style to assume the worst in relationships. For example, individuals may ruminate and fear that their partner is cheating on them when they go out to dinner with friends. A fearful perspective can lead even stable relationships to seem unsafe and insecure.
How to address fear
A combination of strategies can be used to build a more balanced perspective and address fear in relationships. Once individuals understand how fear shows up in their lives – whether through overthinking, difficulty concentrating, or stomach upset, for instance – they can begin taking meaningful action. From there, therapeutic techniques like cognitive reframing, which can change a person’s perceptions of a given situation, can help individuals build self-awareness and a healthier perspective. Often, seeking the guidance of a licensed therapist is helpful during this process.
The impact of anxious-preoccupied attachment on relationships
Those with an anxious attachment style tend to have a strong desire for emotional intimacy, often coupled with a fear of rejection. These traits can have a negative impact on relationships. Some studies suggest that anxious attachment is associated with relationship dissatisfaction. For partners of anxiously attached individuals, the constant need for reassurance may be emotionally taxing, and controlling behavior stemming from anxiety may become overbearing.
Building healthier relationships
A supportive relationship may rewire the brain's understanding of love, trust, and compassion. A partner who is emotionally available and consistent can help someone with anxious attachment become more secure. Exposure to healthy relationship patterns can be transformative for anxious-preoccupied individuals. To build a secure attachment, couples can practice active listening and communication, provide emotional support during difficult times, define and respect healthy boundaries, be emotionally responsive to each other, and show dependability through action. Spending quality time together, free from distractions like cell phones and laptops, can help couples build stronger relationships.
The four attachment styles
As highlighted earlier, anxious-preoccupied attachment, avoidant-dismissive attachment, and disorganized-fearful attachment are three types of insecure attachment. The fourth attachment style, secure attachment, is typically characterized by the ability to form healthy, secure, and balanced relationships. The three insecure attachment styles are similar in that individuals may lack trust in the security of their relationships.
Anxious vs. avoidant attachment
Anxious and avoidant attachment styles are, in some ways, at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to insecure attachment patterns. Anxious-preoccupied individuals usually value emotional intimacy and fear rejection. Meanwhile, avoidant-dismissive individuals tend to value independence and often appear emotionally distant or unavailable. Research suggests that childhood adversity is a risk factor for both anxious and avoidant adult attachment styles.
Moving from anxious, avoidant, and disorganized to secure attachment
The mental health symptoms associated with an insecure attachment style, including depression, anxiety, and jealousy, may seem taxing, but with intentional effort, people can make positive changes. Research suggests that a variety of life events can change an adult's attachment style. Whether it’s experiencing a healthy relationship, attending therapy, or practicing meditation, there are many ways to build a more secure attachment style.
Online therapy for anxious-preoccupied attachment
Therapy can give individuals a better understanding of their attachment style and its impacts on their mental health and relationships. Interventions like attachment-based therapy are now offered online, eliminating the need to commute to and from sessions and allowing individuals to choose from a wide range of therapists. Platforms like BetterHelp can connect clients with therapists based on their individual preferences. Users can change therapists at any time for no additional cost to find the right fit.
Can online therapy foster a more secure attachment style?
While current research hasn’t yet examined the efficacy of online therapy specifically for anxious-preoccupied attachment, existing studies suggest that online therapy can effectively address a range of related concerns, such as depression and anxiety disorders. Research supports the use of online therapy as a valid alternative to in-person mental health treatment.
Takeaway
How do you fix an anxious-preoccupied attachment?
Fixing anxious-preoccupied attachment often requires self-awareness, as well as intentional shifts in thinking patterns and behavior. In many cases, therapy can help individuals with anxious-preoccupied attachment develop a more secure attachment style.
What is the hardest attachment style to date?
Insecure attachment styles, including anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment, can present a variety of challenges in romantic relationships. Often, a push-pull dynamic can develop, and it can be important for partners to strive to find a healthy balance.
What happens when anxious attachment is triggered?
Anxious-preoccupied adults tend to experience attachment anxiety, and they may require frequent reassurance regarding the emotional closeness they share with their romantic partners. They may live with low self-esteem and experience constant worry about potential abandonment or losing the people they love.
Who is the best partner for an anxious-preoccupied attachment style?
Individuals with secure attachment styles can be good partners for those with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles. Their calmness and consistency may reduce the emotional turmoil people with anxious attachment tend to experience.
What is an anxious-preoccupied attachment love language?
An anxious-preoccupied attachment style isn’t a love language. Instead, it describes the way some individuals relate to other people, particularly in intimate adult relationships. Attachment styles typically develop in response to early childhood experiences with parents and caregivers and can be seen as part of normal human development. Other examples of attachment styles include anxious-ambivalent attachment and fearful-avoidant attachment, among others.
Who are anxious attachment people attracted to?
Each person with anxious attachment is an individual with their own preferences. While those with anxious attachment may have some qualities in common, they can be attracted to a wide range of people.
What does an anxious-preoccupied attachment style need?
Those with anxious-preoccupied attachment typically experience heightened anxiety and frequently feel anxious when they sense emotional distance between themselves and loved ones. They can become overly dependent on reassurance-seeking and other unhealthy behaviors in some cases. Therapy can help these individuals understand the impact inconsistent parenting may have had on them and develop a more secure attachment style, positively affecting their future relationships.
How do I fix my anxious-preoccupied attachment style?
It can be challenging to fix an anxious-preoccupied attachment style on your own. Working with a licensed mental health professional can help you understand the way you relate to others and learn to manage anxiety in relationships.
How can you self-soothe an anxious-preoccupied attachment style?
Using various coping skills and grounding exercises can reduce anxiety for those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Improving confidence and self-worth can also be beneficial.
What is the best therapy for anxious attachment?
Attachment-based therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy are commonly used to help individuals with anxious attachment. They can also be helpful for social anxiety disorder and related conditions.
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