Avoidant Attachment Style And Its Impact On Mental Health
When individuals understand their attachment style – the way their early childhood experiences shape their current-day behaviors and expectations in relationships – they may take active steps toward building healthier relationships with themselves and others. Among the insecure attachment styles, avoidant attachment can have a significant impact on how individuals relate to others. This article explores the avoidant attachment style, its impact on mental health, and ways to build a healthier attachment style so that individuals can improve relationships with colleagues, friends, and family.
What are attachment styles?
Attachment styles can be viewed as patterns of how individuals relate to others. Someone's attachment style typically influences the way they regulate emotions, navigate relationships, and form bonds. Grounded in attachment theory, which was developed by John Bowlby in the late 1950s, these styles of interaction are primarily developed in early childhood. They typically develop in response to a child's interactions with their caregivers. The four main types of attachment are secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.
The link between attachment styles and mental health
An individual's attachment style or way of connecting with others tends to be closely linked to their mental health. Anxious and avoidant attachment styles can be associated with depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Children may develop various types of insecure attachment (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles) when their caregivers are not emotionally responsive, caring, or consistent toward them. This can lead individuals to have difficulty processing their emotions, developing close connections with others, and feeling safe in relationships.
What is an avoidant attachment style?
The avoidant attachment style is a form of attachment primarily characterized by an individual's discomfort with emotional closeness, difficulty trusting others, and preference for independence (not to be mistaken for enjoying alone time). Children may develop an avoidant attachment style due to a caregiver being emotionally unavailable, growing to believe that independence is safer than vulnerability.
Characteristics of an avoidant attachment style
As highlighted earlier, people with avoidant attachment styles may feel uncomfortable forming close relationships. Therefore, they may prioritize self-sufficiency over emotional connection. However, every individual is unique, and people with avoidant attachment styles typically experience the same range of emotional complexity as people with other attachment styles.
Core traits in everyday life
Core traits of an avoidant attachment style may include discomfort with emotional closeness, strong independence, difficulty trusting others, emotional suppression, and a negative view of others. Often, these traits lead to avoidant behaviors in everyday life. Individuals may actively avoid vulnerable conversations, downplay how they feel during conversations, or cancel plans with others. They may end relationships when they seem to be growing more emotionally intimate.
Patterns in avoidant relationships
In adult relationships, people with avoidant attachment styles may be perceived as emotionally distant or guarded. Individuals may fear commitment, have unrealistic expectations, and struggle to accept emotional support from their partners. Research suggests that avoidant participants believe they are less cared for by others than secure participants. These findings can highlight the avoidant individual's tendency to shy away from emotional vulnerability in relationships. Avoidant behaviors may lead to miscommunication, conflict, and emotional unavailability.
How avoidant attachment can affect mental health
An avoidant attachment style can influence mental health and emotional well-being, as well as shape relationships. A person’s natural desire for human connection may conflict with their fear of vulnerability, contributing to stress and isolation.
Common mental health symptoms
When individuals display persistent patterns of avoidant behavior, either by avoiding certain situations and activities, suppressing emotions, or engaging in escapism (for example, using substances to numb negative feelings), it can affect their mental health. Common symptoms experienced by avoidant individuals include the following:
- Low self-esteem: Dwelling on their own distress may lead to rumination and self-blame.
- Fear of judgment: Worries about how others perceive them become overwhelming.
- Depression and anxiety: Avoidant individuals may be more susceptible to depression and anxiety.
- Withdrawal: A sense of inadequacy may lead people to avoid social interactions, stopping them from forming close relationships.
- Emotional dysregulation: A tendency to upregulate emotional responses (increase the duration and intensity of emotions) can worsen feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
Ways to address avoidant attachment style
To heal avoidant attachment style and its associated behaviors, it can be beneficial to practice becoming comfortable with emotional intimacy and expression. This process may require individuals to challenge their core beliefs, practice self-awareness, and engage in self-reflection.
Tools to enhance mental health
- Journaling: Writing about past experiences and emotional triggers in a journal can enhance self-awareness so individuals can consciously change their avoidant behavior.
- Meditation: Engaging in activities like meditation can help individuals stay present and manage (rather than amplify) negative emotions.
- Self-care activities: It’s often beneficial to explore activities that promote health and well-being, such as spending time in nature.
- Therapeutic writing: Sharing thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper can be a stepping stone to opening up to friends, family, and peers.
- Relationship exercises: Spending time with trusted friends, openly communicating relationship needs, and actively listening during conversations may foster healthier relationships.
How a secure attachment style can contribute to mental well-being
A secure attachment style is typically characterized by an individual's ability to form close, meaningful, and healthy relationships with others. By building self-awareness, practicing emotional regulation, and learning to communicate more effectively in relationships, individuals can develop a more secure attachment style.
Research suggests that securely attached individuals are usually better able to regulate distress and more willing to turn to their partners for support. By fostering a more secure attachment style, individuals can improve their relationships with friends, family members, and loved ones.
Online therapy options for avoidant attachment
To foster the qualities associated with a more secure attachment style, individuals can attend online therapy sessions. With a network of over 30,000 therapists, platforms like BetterHelp can connect individuals with mental health professionals specializing in attachment-based therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and other modalities. Online therapy allows for flexibility and customizability, enabling users to attend appointments from the location of their choice and opt for video, audio, or online chat sessions.
Research on online therapy for an avoidant attachment style
In a 2024 study, online cognitive behavioral therapy decreased avoidant attachment style in participants. Depression and insomnia symptoms also improved. Research generally supports the efficacy of online therapy and suggests that it produces similar results to in-person treatment.
Takeaway
What are the signs of an avoidant attachment style?
People with an avoidant attachment style, one of the three insecure attachment styles in the attachment system, tend to be perceived by others as emotionally unavailable. Avoidant adults may avoid emotional intimacy, struggle to trust others, and desire independence.
What happens in an avoidant attachment style?
In most cases, a person’s adult attachment style is influenced by their childhood relationships with their parents or caregivers. Parents who are emotionally absent or overly critical can lead children to suppress their own feelings and avoid emotional expression. Such children may grow up to become avoidant parents themselves, and they often struggle with emotional openness and accepting their own emotions.
What triggers someone with an avoidant attachment style?
Situations that threaten an individual’s independence or autonomy can be upsetting for those with an avoidant attachment style. Often, when romantic relationships begin to become more emotionally intimate, people with an avoidant attachment style tend to pull away rather than embrace their emotional needs and develop more fulfilling relationships.
What mental illness is associated with avoidant attachment?
Some people with avoidant attachment may live with avoidant personality disorder. People with this disorder typically have low self-confidence, social anxiety, a sense of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to rejection, and an underlying desire for intimate relationships.
What type of therapy is best for avoidant attachment?
Attachment-based therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy are two options that may be helpful for individuals with anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Any modality that helps a person examine and reframe their personal emotions and adult attachment styles may be helpful.
How do I fix my avoidant attachment style?
Developing a more secure attachment style can be challenging, but it may enable individuals to form deep emotional connections and healthy future relationships. Journaling, therapy, and open communication exercises may shift a person’s attachment style over time.
What should you not do with avoidant attachment?
When communicating with an avoidant partner, it can be helpful to avoid the following:
- Being pushy
- Being judgmental
- Being overly critical
- Frequently asking for reassurance
- Pushing for commitment too quickly
Does avoidant attachment get worse with age?
For some people, avoidant attachment or other insecure attachment styles, like the anxious attachment style and dismissive-avoidant style, may worsen with age. For others, insecure attachment styles may improve to become more secure, particularly if individuals practice self-reflection and intentionally work to adjust the way they relate to other people.
What kind of childhood causes avoidant attachment?
In many cases, children with emotionally unavailable parents can develop an avoidant attachment style. Emotionally distant parents who expect their children to be tough and not show their emotions may foster avoidance.
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