What Are You Looking For In A Relationship? Tips On Assessing Your Needs
Many people may think they know what they want in a long-term relationship, but sometimes, the process of closely assessing one’s needs can be revealing. When a person pauses to deeply consider what they need and desire in a relationship, they may discover what their true priorities are. Some people may benefit from speaking with a dating coach or counselor about their unique needs, as an outside perspective may help them see things about themselves that they didn’t recognize on their own. This article will discuss how to assess what you’re looking for in a relationship, common red flags, and ways to get help with evaluating your priorities for a new relationship.
Many people find it important to look for someone who has similar core values. To some people, this may mean finding someone with similar ideas about work-life balance, child-rearing (if applicable), and plans for relocation. Sometimes, it may not be a matter of someone’s values being better or worse; they may simply represent what is important to them. While a dating app may sometimes allow people to filter for some of these criteria, other values may be difficult to discern without spending a few months getting to know a person.
Sense of humor
Some people find that they get along well with others who have the same kind of humor as they do. Humor can make everyday life together much more fulfilling, and it may help couples heal together after times of conflict. A common sense of humor doesn’t necessarily have to involve enjoying the same jokes. It may simply involve appreciating irony in everyday life events together.
Strong communication
Many people prioritize effective communication in a relationship. To some people, strong communication may mean regularly discussing everyday decisions, including minor financial decisions. Other people may prefer to have a relationship in which each person has more space and autonomy. Finding someone with similar expectations regarding communication can lead to less conflict and greater fulfillment.
Excessive posting on social media: Some people may find it concerning when a person reveals too much about themselves online or engages in what seems like excessive social media use. They may be concerned that the person will post pictures of them or divulge information about their relationship without consent. However, what seems like excessive posting to one person may seem normal to someone else. Couples may be able to navigate this topic by having candid conversations about their boundaries for social media use.
Dishonesty: Many people decide to take a step back in a relationship when they notice signs of dishonesty. This can sometimes be difficult to determine at first, but common signs may include a hidden social media profile, vague responses regarding one’s employment, and a tendency to step away to use the phone without a credible explanation.
Boasting: Another common red flag is boasting. When a person often talks about how much they earn or how much they’ve achieved, it can be off-putting. Some people might do this inadvertently as a defense mechanism, and it might be something they can improve with support from a counselor.
Poor treatment of service workers: One common red flag tends to be poor treatment of service staff at restaurants and bars. To many people, this can be a sign that someone views others as being “below” them and isn’t a respectful person.
Talking to a dating coach
Some people may find it helpful to speak with a professional dating coach about what they’re looking for in a relationship. In some cases, a person may think they have narrowed down what they’re looking for, but a coach may be able to help them see things about their priorities that they hadn’t considered. Some dating coaches may also use tests or other instruments to shed light on a person’s personality and interests, which may allow them to glean insight about the type of relationship that is right for them.
How a mental health professional may help
Another way to seek support when searching for a healthy relationship is to speak with a licensed mental health professional. A therapist can often help people evaluate doubts they have related to past relationships that could be affecting their judgment about how to look for the right person in the present. A therapist may also be able to address any mental health conditions that could be affecting an individual’s relationships.
Online mental health support
Some people may prefer to discuss relationships and dating with a therapist outside of their local community. In these cases, evidence-based support can be provided by an online therapist. Online therapy with BetterHelp can be more affordable than traditional in-person therapy without insurance, and individuals can change therapists at any time for no additional cost until they find the right fit for their needs.
In addition to offering affordability and a large selection of therapists, online therapy has been shown to be effective in numerous peer-reviewed studies. One review found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was an effective form of treatment for depression, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and substance use disorder, among other conditions that could affect a person’s relationship needs and mental health.
Takeaway
At some point in life, many people ask themselves what they’re looking for in a life partner. Some people might think they know what they’re looking for, but needs and preferences can evolve over time. Individuals might consider speaking with a licensed counselor to gain insight into what they need to form a solid foundation with someone. Support is available through both in-person and online therapy.
Below are some common questions related to what to look for in a relationship.
What are you looking for in a relationship?
Many people ask themselves this question when looking for the right person for them. It may help to consider that there may not be just one type of person with whom you can form a relationship. Some people discover new facets of their personalities and interests over time, which may lead to surprises in the connections they can form with other people.
What are some common core values that are important in a relationship?
Common core values can vary from person to person. However, common core values tend to include honesty, a strong work ethic, mutual respect, and a commitment to healthy living.
How important is a sense of humor in a relationship?
To many people, a sense of humor is something that enlivens their daily dynamics within a relationship. A sense of humor can reduce tension during moments of conflict, providing a moment of reprieve for couples to laugh before resuming conversation to resolve relationship challenges.
What is a red flag when dating someone?
Determining what is a red flag can be a highly personal decision. However, some common red flags include love bombing, jealousy, the silent treatment, controlling behavior, and dishonesty, which may be evidenced by a lack of candor about past relationships.
How do you know if you have strong communication with someone?
Strong communication may look slightly different to each couple. In some couples, regularly spending time talking about their day helps them feel connected. Other couples may require slightly less time to talk things over, but they may still connect on a regular basis and communicate openly about their evolving needs.
How do you talk about what you want in a relationship?
When discussing the important things in a relationship, giving an honest answer can be vital. Whether you’re looking for someone with the same values, mutual attraction, an enjoyable sex life, shared ideas of fun hobbies, or simply to feel comfortable with your partner, talking about this topic honestly may ultimately lead you to the best possible relationship.
What are the signs of a positive relationship?
A few signs of a positive relationship include the following:
Mutual trust and respect
Open, effective communication
Shared physical attraction
An ability to enjoy the little things in life together
A tendency to listen rather than immediately respond when disagreements arise
Room for each partner to have a life outside of the relationship
The desire to imagine a future together
What should a woman ask for in a relationship?
Each person tends to have their own needs in relationships. While certain qualities like honesty and kindness may be non-negotiable, there’s a lot of room for individual preferences as well. For example, most people who want to have kids prefer to enter a relationship where their partner also desires to have children.
How do I know someone is right for me?
Knowing whether someone is right for you can be highly personal. However, if you’re having trouble knowing whether a relationship is healthy, talking to a licensed mental health professional can offer insight. You can absolutely benefit from attending therapy even if you aren’t living with a diagnosable mental health disorder. Therapy sessions can help you work through stuff like relationship concerns, daily stress, and interpersonal dynamics.
How do you know if dating is going well?
Often, individuals have a gut feeling about whether a relationship is going well. Still, it can sometimes be challenging to determine whether things are going in the right direction or if certain behaviors have crossed an unhealthy line. Talking to friends or family members who understand your background may help you gain a better understanding of the health of your relationship. Another option is to schedule a session with a counselor. You can explain any concerns you have, and they may offer their professional opinion.
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