What Is A Beige Flag? Mental Health, Dating, And Beige, Red, And Green Flags

The concept of a flag as a symbol of warning or judgment has existed for centuries, used in military, maritime, and medical settings, to name a few. Within the dating world, the use of metaphorical flags has emerged relatively recently, likely influenced by the growing awareness of relationship dynamics and an increasingly widespread desire for clear communication and boundaries in dating. While “flag judgment” is often subjective, the concept of using flags to categorize dating experiences provides a common language for discussing relationship patterns and potential concerns. 

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What is a beige flag?

First used to signal a potential “boring” person, the beige flag has become a TikTok trend describing subtle, neutral, or quirky characteristics or habits that might give a potential partner pause in a budding relationship. A beige flag may be an uncommon or odd trait, but it isn’t quite a deal breaker. 

Between red and green: examples of beige flags

Search “beige flag” or use #beigeflag on TikTok, and you’ll find an abundance of examples of beige flags. Two examples include using a timer for a specific duration rather than setting an alarm to wake up, or needing a visual aid to tell left from right. Other beige flag examples might include:

• Diving deep into obscure facts or having a strong passion for a seemingly random subject
• Using a repetitive phrase or saying that can become overused
• Always waiting until the last possible moment to pack for a trip 
• Having a strong dislike of something seemingly harmless, like bar soap or a specific color 
• Using the caps lock in texts without excitement or agitation

Again, keep in mind that not one example listed above is something inherently bad, and many people would find some items on this list to be relatable, reasonable, endearing, or even not very noticeable. Remember: Beige flags are subjective.

Blue flags and green and red flags and beyond: exploring other types

A quick internet search for “relationship flags” yields dozens of types. Most people are familiar with yellow, green, and red (and now beige), but do you know what a blue flag is? What about orange? Below, you’ll find a quick explanation of a few flags you may know and a few you might not. 

A green flag

Green flags in a relationship are positive behaviors, traits, and actions that often indicate a healthy and thriving partnership, or the potential for one. They suggest a foundation of respect, care, and shared values. Examples include open communication, mutual support, and the ability to resolve conflicts constructively. 

A yellow flag

Yellow flags in dating may be subtle warning signs that indicate potential problems or areas of concern in a relationship, but that may not necessarily be “deal breakers.” They are essentially “caution” signs that suggest you should proceed with awareness and potentially have open conversations with your partner on related topics. Unlike red flags, which are glaring issues, yellow flags are more nuanced and tend to require some consideration. 

A red flag

A red flag in a relationship is a warning sign indicating unhealthy or manipulative behavior that could potentially lead to or point to a toxic dynamic. These behaviors might start subtly but can escalate over time. While some red flags are universal, such as violent or excessively jealous behavior, others can be subjective or hard to detect at first. Red flag examples might include love bombing, stonewalling, controlling behaviors, or incessantly speaking negatively about others, including their exes.

An orange flag

In relationships, an orange flag is a warning sign that something is not quite “right,” falling between a yellow and red flag in terms of severity. While it may not be as immediately alarming as a red flag, orange flags indicate concerning behaviors or patterns that warrant attention and could potentially lead to more serious issues if not addressed. Examples include unsupportive behavior, emotional baggage, lack of trust, and frequent arguing. 

A blue flag

In relationship contexts, a "blue flag" signifies emotional unavailability or detachment. It suggests one partner may struggle with expressing emotions or connecting on a deeper level, potentially indicating underlying issues with vulnerability or past trauma. While not inherently negative like a red flag, blue flags highlight a potential area for growth and increased understanding within the relationship. 

A black flag

In relationships, black flags represent serious, often non-negotiable issues that signal an unhealthy or dangerous dynamic. They are widely considered deal breakers, indicating traits or behaviors that are harmful or abusive and may warrant ending the relationship for safety and well-being. Black flags are more severe than red flags, as they often involve emotional, physical, or verbal abuse, extreme possessiveness, or repeated dishonesty. 

What if you aren’t sure if a beige flag is a positive thing?

While beige flags may not be a deal breaker like red flags, they aren't necessarily always positive qualities either. What one person finds “cute” or “quirky,” another might find irritating or even a sign of deeper challenges. 

If you’re not sure where you stand with a date or partner’s beige flags, consider whether this particular beige flag makes you laugh, or makes you roll your eyes. Does it bring you closer, or does it create a barrier? Take some time to reflect on how the behavior affects the relationship dynamic and whether it’s something that’s reasonable to bring up. Think about your own values, what you're looking for in a relationship, and what behaviors do not align for you.

When a beige flag might be something more serious

While beige flags are usually initially neutral, they can sometimes evolve into something more problematic. If a beige flag consistently bothers you or points to a larger issue, it may be worth exploring. 

For example, your partner might love couponing or finding creative ways to save money. Conversely, they might be passionate about a hobby, spending considerable money on it. Neither of these is a clear sign that something is wrong. However, they both have the potential to become sources of relationship stress if, for example, you have shared finances and your partner refuses to change or compromise when needed for your shared financial health.

Red flag? Green flag? Beige flag? Pros, cons, and confusion 

Using flags to label relationship traits can sometimes be helpful, potentially aiding individuals in making relationship choices and recognizing their own preferences in a partner. They may help promote healthier communication, self-awareness, and emotional balance while also potentially reducing unnecessary judgment in dating and personal connections. 

There are times when flags might not be the best benchmark against which to judge a relationship, however. For example, some people assume that, because a person does something that may be categorized under a particular flag, that’s what they’re like all the time. It typically takes time to get to know a person, and a one-time event doesn’t necessarily reveal who they are (unless it concerns violence or abuse). Patterns of behavior might, however, for better or worse. 

Additionally, keep in mind that some define flags as preferences rather than principles and values. For example, a person may describe an attribute of an individual’s style as a particular flag. That would be a preference, not necessarily a judgment in character nor, in most cases, a reason to have a serious talk. 

When to discuss a flag

A flag may reveal something that warrants communication between you and your partner or potential partner. For example, if a behavior consistently makes you feel anxious, sad, angry, or uncomfortable, or a behavior undermines trust, intimacy, or respect in your relationship, it may warrant a conversation. 

Green and red flags as patterns

Overall, if a behavior isn’t an isolated incident but rather a recurring issue, it’s more likely to be a topic that needs discussion. Additionally, if a flag impacts your mental or emotional health, it’s usually best to discuss it with your partner. For extra support, you might connect with a counselor who can help you approach this type of discussion in a productive way. 

Mental health, flags, and interpreting behaviors

Note that trying to decode the behaviors of others can sometimes lead to unhealthy behaviors in ourselves. For example, overthinking and analyzing every interaction, text message, or social media post could be problematic. Or, if you’re unsure about some aspect of your partner’s behavior, you might be tempted to seek constant validation and reassurance about their feelings and commitment, which might increase anxiety and potentially cause friction in the relationship.

Beyond red flags and green: improving mental health and relationships through therapy

Relationships can be complex and, at times, difficult to read. Developing your self-esteem and communication skills may help you navigate those complexities. That’s why many mental health professionals use methods like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help individuals who come to therapy looking for support in this area to build confidence, particularly within relationships. 

Therapy can be a safe space in which to identify root causes of self-esteem issues, challenge negative thought patterns, and build self-compassion. Counseling may also help individuals improve communication skills, learn how to set healthy boundaries, and develop vulnerability with their partners that helps create intimacy and trust.

Dating can be complicated

Strengthen your social skills in therapy

Learning about red and green and beige flag behaviors and relationships in online therapy

Seeking traditional in-person therapy is no longer the only option for receiving mental health care. Today, many people choose internet-delivered CBT (iCBT) through a platform like BetterHelp for its convenience and flexibility, as it allows users to attend remote therapy sessions from the comfort of home on a schedule that fits their lifestyle. 

BetterHelp also works with a pool of tens of thousands licensed professionals, rather than users being limited to providers within a commutable distance. Online therapy through BetterHelp can also often be more affordable than traditional in-office treatment without insurance. 

In general, research indicates that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person therapy for treating a variety of mental health challenges. Studies also suggest that iCBT can often be useful for helping individuals specifically with challenges related to confidence and self-esteem. 

For example, a 2023 study published in BMC Psychiatry followed the progress of a group of adolescent girls (ages 16–19) who completed a seven-week therapist-guided iCBT program targeting low self-esteem. Upon completion, the participants reported increased awareness and agency under challenging situations, enhanced self-image, a sense of not being alone, and a broader understanding of oneself, according to post-treatment interviews.