Strategies To Improve Relationship Dynamics When Feeling Alone In A Relationship
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Research shows that many people feel alone despite being in a relationship. This may seem paradoxical to some people, as loneliness is often associated with being single. However, people can feel deeply lonely regardless of their relationship status. The reasons for loneliness in a relationship often vary, but the effects on a person’s mental health can be profound. Keep reading to learn more about loneliness in a relationship and ways to rekindle an emotional connection.
Why do people experience loneliness in a relationship?
The reasons for feeling lonely in a relationship can vary from person to person. It may be important to remember that loneliness isn’t always someone’s fault. Some people may experience feelings of loneliness for reasons unrelated to their partner or the quality of their relationship. The following are possible reasons why people may feel lonely in a relationship.
Pre-existing loneliness
Research suggests that some people may be more predisposed than others to experience loneliness. In these cases, loneliness in a relationship may have little to do with the strength of the individual’s relationship. These individuals may tend to have smaller friend groups than others, which may lead to more loneliness, no matter how fulfilling their romantic relationships may be.
Social media use and expectations
Another possible cause of loneliness that is unrelated to a person’s relationship is social media use. Research suggests that social media use can significantly increase feelings of loneliness. One study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that participants who reduced their social media usage experienced significant reductions in loneliness in comparison to those who continued to use social media sites as usual.
The reasons for this connection may vary, but many people develop a pattern of comparing their relationships to those of friends and family. Despite awareness that online content is often carefully selected to paint a relationship in the best light possible, many people still find themselves comparing themselves to others. This sense of loneliness is mostly based on comparisons to false representations of other people’s relationships. In addition to believing that their relationship is inadequate, some people may sense they are socially isolated if they see images of friends together at events to which they weren’t invited.
Loss of connection
Some people may feel alone in their relationships because they no longer feel close to their partner. In some cases, people may sense that the initial connection they experienced has evolved over time. This may not be a permanent change, as many couples can find ways to reconnect with each other and deepen their level of intimacy.
Abusive behavior
The above reasons for feeling alone in a relationship refer to cases in which neither partner is necessarily to blame. However, in some cases, a person may experience abusive behavior from their partner. This can lead to a profound sense of loneliness, as many survivors of abuse fear telling someone about their abuse and believe that no one will understand what they’re going through.
Substance use
Another possible cause of loneliness is substance use by a partner. Despite the strength of the connection between two people, having a partner who lives with a substance use disorder can lead to deep loneliness. People in this situation may feel hesitant to confide in someone about their partner’s substance use. Even if they make numerous promises to change, their partner may be unable to follow through on their commitment. A pattern of addictive behavior can make it difficult for them to be emotionally and physically present in their relationship, leading both them and their partner to experience feelings of loneliness.
It may be important to remember that people who experience a substance use disorder aren’t to blame. They may have developed an addiction as a result of trauma or other reasons beyond their control. Help is available for both people with an addiction and their partners.
What to do if you’re feeling alone in a relationship
If you’re feeling alone in a relationship, you may benefit from openly speaking to your partner. If the cause of loneliness is related to the relationship itself, there are strategies that can help couples develop more emotional and physical intimacy. For example, couples may find that by scheduling regular time together without distractions, they can rekindle the warmth and connection they felt at the beginning of their relationship.
Some couples may also find that it helps to join a support group. Support groups aren’t just for couples who are at risk of separation. A support group may help couples see that they are not the only ones who experience challenges in their relationship. They may glean insight from other couples about how to reconnect and deepen their intimacy.
Seek couples therapy
Another way for couples to address loneliness in a relationship is to speak with a relationship expert. A couples counselor may be able to pinpoint specific factors that could be contributing to feelings of loneliness in a couple’s relationship. They may also have personalized advice regarding how a couple can deepen their emotional connection.
Seek individual therapy
For people who can’t see a therapist with their partner, individual therapy may provide a way to receive valuable insight about why they’re feeling lonely in a relationship. A therapist may be able to help people determine whether their loneliness is related to their relationship or to internal factors.
Online mental health support for those in lonely romantic relationships
Some people may feel hesitant to see a therapist in person to discuss feelings of loneliness in a long-term relationship. In these and other cases, evidence-based support is available through online therapy. Online therapy can be more affordable than in-person therapy without insurance coverage. In addition, it allows individuals to connect with a therapist in a way that’s most comfortable for them, whether via audio, video, or live chat.
In addition to providing various communication methods, online therapy has a robust basis of support in the literature. A 2020 systematic review and meta-analysis found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was more effective than in-person CBT for treating depression symptoms, which may be common in people who experience loneliness in a relationship. Online therapy may also help people overcome feelings of isolation and trauma from past relationships.
Takeaway
The reasons why people feel alone in a relationship can vary from person to person. Some people may sense that their emotional connection has waned, but this doesn’t have to be permanent. Couples may benefit from speaking with a licensed counselor about the possible reasons for their loneliness. Individuals whose partners aren’t open to therapy at this time can still talk to a therapist individually, either in person or online.
Why am I feeling alone in a relationship?
In some cases, loneliness stems from an emotional disconnection with one’s partner. If one partner believes that their emotional needs are not being met, they may experience a sense of isolation.
Can couples therapy help with loneliness in a relationship?
Couples therapy may lead to a productive conversation about what the two people are feeling and the reasons for their loneliness. A couples therapist may provide ideas on how a couple can reconnect emotionally and deepen their intimacy.
How can you improve loneliness in romantic relationships?
You may find that you experience less loneliness when you regularly schedule quality time with your partner. This doesn’t have to involve elaborate plans. Sometimes, just spending time together at the dinner table or on a walk can improve a couple’s emotional connection.
Can a mental health professional help with relationship loneliness?
A mental health professional may be able to help couples analyze relationship challenges or personal difficulties from their family lives that could be contributing to loneliness. Those who can’t see a couples therapist with their partner may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional individually.
What should you do if your partner is feeling alone?
If your partner is feeling alone, you might look for common signs of social isolation and consider whether they’ve been feeling sad lately. These indicators can sometimes point to concerns like depression, which can be treated with professional support.
However, if your partner’s loneliness is due to feeling emotionally disconnected in the relationship, you might ask whether they have any unmet emotional needs or a desire for more physical affection. Having deeper conversations can contribute to a mutual understanding and increased emotional intimacy, which can rebuild emotional connection in the relationship. Scheduling a date night or online couples therapy session can also be a good idea, particularly if there are unresolved conflicts in the relationship that could benefit from professional support.
How does feeling alone affect mental health?
Loneliness and isolation tend to have negative impacts on overall mental health. For example, a 2014 study reported that loneliness could contribute to the development of depression, sleep problems, personality disorders, and physical health concerns. Having healthy relationships and an active social life in which you feel connected to others can promote overall well-being.
How can you deal with feeling alone in a relationship?
Many lonely relationships exist, and it can be important to have a conversation with your partner about the way you’re feeling. Setting relationship goals and sharing your real self with your partner may be helpful when you feel disconnected.
Why do I not feel valued in my relationship?
There are many potential reasons why you don’t feel valued in your relationship. Talking to a licensed therapist may help you gain insight into your own feelings and thoughts.
How do I know if I need to go to couples therapy or solo therapy?
In general, any individual or couple can benefit from therapy. Individual therapy can help people work through personal mental health concerns, while couples therapy can promote relationship health.
When should you start relationship counseling?
There may never be a bad time to start relationship counseling with a marriage and family therapist. In many cases, attending counseling when the relationship is in a good place can help things continue on the right path.
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