The Bare Minimum In A Relationship: Effects And Strategies To Improve A Relationship
Some people may end up in relationships where they realize that they or their partners aren’t putting in much effort. Some people refer to this as putting in the “bare minimum” in a relationship. In most cases, people don’t intend to end up in a pattern like this, but time and circumstances can lead people to become complacent and put in less effort than they did at the beginning of a relationship. Keep reading to learn more about what it means to put in the bare minimum in a relationship and how changing this pattern can improve self-respect and relationship dynamics.
What it means to give the bare minimum in a relationship
The bare minimum may have a variety of definitions. It can be important to consider that people often have different expectations of their partners. For example, some people may believe it’s not enough to receive a simple text response to a message. They may require a thoughtful response that demonstrates empathy and deep thought.
To other people, a reduction in displays of affection may be a more notable sign of bare-minimum effort. This may be the case for those who prioritize physical touch as an expression of love. However, a reduction in physical touch isn’t always due to a lack of love or affection. Some couples simply may not show the same affection they used to show at the beginning of their relationship.
Couples may benefit from considering what their partner values and what makes them feel loved and appreciated. This can be different for each couple and for each partner in a relationship.
Grand gestures: A possible red flag
Some people may make grand gestures in a relationship, such as surprising their partner with expensive gifts. However, this may be a mechanism to compensate for a lack of effort in other ways. For example, someone may neglect to spend time with their partner and connect with them emotionally. To try to make up for this behavior, they might “love bomb” their partner with jewelry or other gifts. This may be a red flag if these gestures aren’t followed up with a change in behavior that demonstrates a desire for true intimacy.
How communication about patterns can improve self-worth and lead to personal growth
Experiencing the bare minimum in a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship can’t be improved. By recognizing and communicating about negative patterns, individuals may find that they can make changes that improve their intimacy and relationship dynamics.
For example, couples may benefit from communicating about how to distribute household duties and other responsibilities. Communication may help each partner put in the maximum effort to spend time together while also respecting each other’s needs for self-care and time alone.
Support groups
Some couples may benefit from joining support groups for people who are experiencing relationship challenges. A support group may help a couple recognize that they are not the only ones having trouble with their relationship. Support groups may also provide ideas for improving intimacy and relationship dynamics.
Getting mental health support from a licensed psychologist
Some couples may find that they can improve their relationships by speaking with a licensed psychologist or therapist. A couples counselor may be able to help a couple deepen their intimacy, which may help them overcome bare-minimum standards and stop putting other priorities above addressing their relationship challenges. A therapist may also be able to provide strategies that lead to personal growth and changes that help both partners feel valued.
How an online therapist can help with personal growth in a relationship
Individuals whose partner isn’t ready for therapy can still find support through individual therapy, either in person or online. With BetterHelp, individuals can connect with a licensed mental health professional via audio, video, live chat, or a combination of these options. They can also reach out to their therapist at any time through in-app messaging, and their therapist will generally respond as soon as they can. This option may be useful on days when individuals feel frustrated by bare-minimum behavior in their relationships. They can communicate what they’re experiencing in the moment rather than waiting until their next session.
In addition to offering several communication methods, online therapy has a strong basis of evidence-based support. One study found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was more effective than in-person therapy for treating depression, which is a condition that may be common among people experiencing serious relationship challenges.
Takeaway
A bare-minimum relationship can lead to significant disappointment. Some people end up in this type of relationship despite having previously enjoyed a fulfilling, healthy dynamic in the beginning. By recognizing and openly discussing troublesome patterns, individuals may find that they can implement changes that lead to stronger relationship dynamics and greater self-esteem. If you’re in a relationship characterized by bare-minimum effort, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist in person or online.
Below are some common questions related to bare-minimum relationships.
Is it a red flag when someone uses grand gestures in a relationship?
Grand gestures may be a red flag in some cases. For example, if a person gives major gifts following a conflict or a period of absence or neglect, they may be trying to make up for their past behavior. However, some people may naturally enjoy giving gifts. When accompanied by quality time together, grand gestures may not be a problem.
Can a licensed psychologist or mental health professional help with communication in a bare-minimum relationship?
A psychologist may be able to help couples or individuals identify patterns of low effort in a relationship. This process may help couples build a mutual understanding and implement real effort that leads to greater fulfillment.
What is the Gottman 7-7-7 rule?
The Gottman 7-7-7 rule typically involves a couple going on a date once a week, spending a night away once every seven weeks, and going away together once every seven months. This rule may help couples maintain a thriving relationship, which can improve their individual mental well-being.
What is the bare minimum in a relationship?
A bare-minimum relationship may manifest in different ways. For example, some people may get in the habit of communicating just enough to keep their partner from getting upset without really connecting with them.
How can you make changes that lead to personal growth in a bare-minimum relationship?
Individuals may find that addressing personal mental health concerns leads to growth on an individual level, which may improve their relationships. Talking to a therapist individually may help a person gain insight into some of their personal insecurities and mental health concerns.
What is the 5-5-5 rule in relationships?
The 5-5-5 rule refers to allowing each partner to take five minutes to express their thoughts and feelings. Then, the couple can take five minutes to discuss a solution to the challenge at hand together.
What are good standards to have in a relationship?
In general, having a healthy relationship means sharing mutual respect, honesty, and open communication. These qualities can provide a solid foundation for each partner to feel safe and loved. In addition, each partner should generally have their own life outside of the relationship, involving friends, family, and hobbies, without being made to feel bad or like they are doing something wrong.
If you believe you have low expectations for a relationship and want to place more importance on your emotional needs, it can be beneficial to have a conversation with your partner about what you expect from them and how you would like them to treat you. Making a point of being honest about your desires for the future can be the first step in enhancing your bond.
A few other standards many people have in a relationship include the following:
Sharing an enjoyable sex life
Having a partner who is willing to listen
Experiencing a sense of security, not fear
Sharing a focus or hope for the future together
Having fun together
How to stop being bare minimum in a relationship?
You can stop giving the bare minimum in your current relationship by putting in more effort and becoming more emotionally invested in making your partner happy. Trying to make them feel special, amping up the romance, and having meaningful conversations about shared goals can be helpful. You might also remind yourself of what brought you and your partner together in the first place. The answer to this question may reignite your passion for the relationship.
Is being loyal a bare minimum?
While the definition of “bare minimum” varies from person to person, most people agree that loyalty is expected in a committed relationship. If you aren’t receiving the loyalty you deserve, it may be time to break up or walk away from the relationship.
How do you know if your partner is doing the bare minimum?
Everyone has their own definition of the “bare minimum.” To determine whether your partner is doing the bare minimum, it’s often necessary to reflect on your non-negotiables and think about what you want from a relationship. You don’t have to remain stuck or settle for someone who only gives the bare minimum. For example, if your partner only seems to give about half the effort that you do, that may not be sustainable in the long term. In general, both partners should act in a way that honors each person’s needs.
Your needs matter, so don’t be afraid to express them. If putting your desires into words seems daunting, you might try writing or journaling about them before having a conversation with your partner.
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