What Are “Bases” in a Relationship, and How to Navigate Them
When discussing physical intimacy, many people have traditionally used the baseball metaphor. Within this framework, each base represents a different level of physical contact. The baseball metaphor may be useful in certain contexts, but it can also represent some outdated ideas about sex, consent, and diversity in terms of sexual orientation and the activities people engage in. Keep reading to learn more about the sexual bases in a relationship, ways to navigate different stages, and how to get professional support with physical intimacy.
What are the bases in a relationship? First base
When people use the term “first base,” the general idea is typically kissing on the mouth. Many people use this term to describe open-mouth kissing, but people may have different definitions for first base. There is no one correct way to engage in this stage of sexual activity, as each couple can decide what makes them feel comfortable.
Second base: The next step in physical intimacy
Second base typically refers to touching a person’s breasts. To some people, this may involve touching alone, but for others it may involve kissing the breasts. Before moving to this base (or any base), individuals should ensure there is clear consent without the influence of any substances.
Third base
In the baseball metaphor, third base typically involves touching another person’s genitals. This may begin with the hands and progress to oral sex for some couples. This stage typically involves a greater degree of emotional and physical intimacy for many couples as they move forward in their relationship.
Fourth base: Sexual intercourse
Fourth base, sometimes called a home run, typically refers to sexual intercourse. For many couples, this is the stage that leads to mutual climax, but this can vary depending on the couple. Some couples may discover that other ways to reach orgasm are more pleasurable for them.
A word of caution about sex and the bases
The baseball metaphor can falsely lead people, especially young people, to think that sex is a type of competition to be won. In reality, many couples tend to have the most fulfilling physical connections when neither person is trying to move through the experience too quickly or pressure the other to engage in different activities.
It can also be important to note that the physical bases in a relationship don’t always reflect the way that people progress through sex. While some couples may follow the progression of the bases, others may go back and forth from one base to another. In addition, the baseball paradigm doesn’t account for relationships between people of the same sex, which means that it excludes much of the diverse human sexual spectrum.
Get support with communication about your level of intimacy and sexual activity
If you have questions about your current level of intimacy with someone, you might consider speaking with a licensed counselor. The decision to move forward to a new level of physical intimacy is highly personal, and there is no single right way to make this decision. Each person can decide to move forward sexually when they’re ready, if they decide to move forward at all. Some people may decide that they don’t want to move to a new level of intimacy with a specific person, or with anyone at all (as may be the case with someone who is asexual).
Online therapy for communication about physical intimacy
If you feel hesitant to speak with a local therapist about your level of physical intimacy, support is also available through online therapy platforms. BetterHelp has a network of more than 30,000 therapists, which can make it easier to find someone who has experience helping people navigate questions related to physical intimacy or any other concerns you might have. You can connect with a licensed therapist via audio, video, live chat, or a combination of these methods.
In addition to offering flexible communication methods, online therapy has been shown to be effective in numerous peer-reviewed studies. One study found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could effectively treat social anxiety disorder, depression, phobias, and adjustment disorder, among other mental health conditions. Many of these conditions can affect a person’s relationship with physical intimacy, and seeking treatment may help them overcome these challenges.
Takeaway
The bases in a relationship generally represent a traditional way of viewing various stages of physical intimacy. However, ideas about sex and gender roles have evolved since this metaphor became popular. This metaphor may lead people to see sexual activity as something that one partner tries to pressure the other person into, rather than seeing sex as a mutual process that people enjoy together.
If you have questions or concerns about physical intimacy, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist online. With BetterHelp, most people can be matched with a licensed professional in as little as 48 hours, and it’s possible to change therapists at any time for no additional cost. Take the first step toward getting support with physical intimacy and reach out to BetterHelp today.
What sexual activity defines first base?
First base typically involves kissing on the mouth. Some people may define first base as French kissing or open-mouth kissing. It is believed that this practice became popular in the United States thanks to American soldiers who had engaged in the practice with French women during World War I. However, the practice took time to catch on in the United States. It is believed that Americans didn’t become comfortable with French kissing until after World War II.
What base is sexual intercourse?
Sexual intercourse is typically referred to as fourth base. Some people may use the term “home run” for this stage. Couples may also engage in other practices, such as anal intercourse, which some people may refer to as “fifth base.”
What are some tips for communication about sex and your level of intimacy?
Couples may benefit from communicating openly about the dating bases and what makes them feel comfortable. For couples who are hesitant to discuss their boundaries and fantasies in person, it may help to find a communication method that helps them be more open. For example, some couples might decide to write down their ideas for intimacy in a letter and then exchange letters. Others may find that it helps to speak with an experienced sex counselor.
How can you know if you should go to the next base?
The decision to move forward physically with someone depends on what makes you feel comfortable. No one should feel pressured to engage in something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Some people may decide to move forward but then take a step back, and this is a valid decision regardless of how long a couple has been together.
What are the bases in a relationship?
Traditionally, the dating bases in a relationship are first, second, third, and fourth bases. However, sex doesn’t always progress in this way. Some couples may go back and forth between one sexual act and another according to the needs of each person.
What is a man's desire for intimacy?
Every man is different and may have their own specific desires for physical affection. Choosing to talk to your partner and have clear communication about each person’s desires can ensure you’re on the same page. Prioritizing respect, mutual consent, and comfort levels can be crucial.
What does a lack of intimacy do to a man?
As each person is different, a lack of intimacy can affect people differently. For example, some may prioritize an emotional connection, while others may be focused on different things, such as physical intimacy. A lack of intimacy can sometimes lead to mental health concerns and may contribute to conflict in a committed relationship.
What is base six in a relationship?
In American popular culture, the baseball metaphor is often used to describe different “relationship bases” or levels of intimacy. There are typically four bases. In general, first base means kissing, and second base involves touching the breasts or chest area. Third base may involve manual stimulation of the genitals, although some may also engage in orally stimulating the genitals at this point. Fourth base or home base usually involves two individuals having sexual intercourse. However, there is not a widely agreed-upon fifth or sixth base.
How long should you wait before you kiss a guy?
It can be important to go at your own pace when it comes to physical intimacy. Rather than focusing on cultural norms or the expectations of others, it can be ideal to focus on your own comfort levels.
What does a girl do to a guy in second base?
Second base typically involves exploring the erogenous zones in the chest area. For a more detailed breakdown of the baseball metaphor, take a look at this resource from Columbia University.
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